John McLean: FREE SH*T JUNKIES

New Zealand is blighted by elite levels of shameless, fruitless sponging from our public purse

I recently got a shock on the golf course. I wasn’t struck by lightning. And - although my golf is mostly shocking - my state of shock didn’t stem from the quality of anyone’s golf.

My shock came from things I gleaned, in casual fairway conversation. I’d idly inquired of one of my playing partners - a longtime vague acquaintance - what he’s doing these days. I half expected him to say he’d retired, dimly recalling he’d once had a crunchy role helping sea ferries cross New Zealand’s redoubtable Cook Strait.

But my acquaintance hasn’t retired. He explained that he now works for a “venture capital firm”. Which sounded terribly exotic and exciting. Titillated, I inquired as to the nature of the venture. He explained that the venture involves cutting greenhouse gas emissions from New Zealand farming and agriculture, employing a few less than a hundred people.

My interest piqued, I asked who the venture capitalists are and who’s putting up the venture capital. At which point, the ex-Ferryman - turning away - mumbled something about “the Government”. Smelling a rat but sensing sensitivity, I dropped the subject.

The on-course conversation later drifted into a general discussion about the state of the New Zealand Government’s finances, and the extent of public service inefficiency and waste. With lightning speed, the ex-Ferryman jumped to comfort his playmates, assuring us that New Zealanders can rely on new Public Service Commissioner Sir Brian Roche to cure public service prodigality.

Unfortunately, rather than find himself comforted and assured, yours truly was truly triggered. I blurted, in brusque language, my deeply held personal views on Sir Brian …bitter sentiments that Sir Brian has been sucking on the public tit for decades, is a compulsive defender of exorbitant “managerial class” public servant salaries and is about the last person hardworking New Zealanders can rely on to fix the nation’s public service. I haven’t hidden my views on Sir Brian.

An aura of affronted defensiveness emanated from the greenhouse gas “capitalist”. The birds stopped singing and I noticed that frost lingered in the shade. I let another matter lie.

Later, off course, I made a cursory attempt to find out where the ex-Ferryman now works. My attempt failed but I discovered from a friend (much more than an acquaintance) that taxpayer-funded greenhouse gas emission grifts are Aotea…rampant.

I stopped delving. In T.S. Eliot’s bird words, “Human kind cannot bear very much reality”.

My lacuna lasted until I was again triggered, this time by an interview that broadcaster Sean Plunket did with Groundswell founder Bryce McKenzie, on The Platform. You can listen to the interview here.

The interview made me wonder whether “AgriZero” could be where my artful acquaintance had found his happy home. I looked and brought up AgriZero’s website. And Voilà! there he is, in his snug sinecure.

According to its website:

AgriZero is not this outfit’s real name. It’s a company established by the last Labour Government in January 2023, under the name Centre for Climate Action Joint Venture Limited. Here’s AgriZero’s motley board:

AgriZero’s shareholders and their proportionate shareholdings (rounded) are:

New Zealand Government (50%)

Fonterra (26%)

Silver Fern Farms (7%)

Ravensdown (4%)

Rabobank (2%)

Endeavour Finance (2%)

Bank of New Zealand (2%)

ANZCO Foods (2%)

Synlait (2%)

A2 Milk (2%)

ASB Bank (1%)

AgriZero’s founding myth – its raison d'être ruse – is that, if New Zealand’s farming and agricultural sectors do not become greenhouse gas (carbon, methane etc.) “Zero”, then the rest of the world will simply stop buying New Zealand’s exports.

Carbon Zero-ists point to the European Union-New Zealand Free Trade Agreement (FTA) as the sacred source of the alleged New Zealand agribusiness “Zero” imperative.

But the EU-NZ FTA contains no such imperative. That FTA simply requires New Zealand and EU to honor their respective prevailing Paris Accord commitments. But if New Zealand’s political climate changes, and we simply change our Paris Accord commitments (or opt out of the Accord), then we’d be off the EU-NZ FTA climate change hook.

Even more decisively, the Paris Accord expressly requires signatory countries to consider the impacts of their climate actions on food security and agricultural productivity … a stark reality that AgriZero, along with the Climate Change Commission and all the other climate change hustlers of Aotearoa, conveniently ignores.

New Zealand’s current Paris Accord commitment is to reduce its greenhouse gas emissions by 50% below 2005 levels by 2030. That commitment ain't gonna be met, not in a century of sunny Sundays.

EU countries have committed to achieving climate neutrality by 2050 and reducing net greenhouse gas emissions by at least 55% by 2030 compared to 1990 levels. Likewise, there’s not a hope in Hell of EU countries meeting those commitments.

So the whole notion that New Zealand’s farming and agricultural exports to Europe will be penalized if they’re not greenhouse-gas zero is invented, self-serving twaddle.

AgriZero voluntarily publishes an Annual Report. In the words of its website:

“While not mandatory, our Annual Report is part of our commitment to transparency and accountability”.

Unfortunately – but predictably – AgriZero is far from transparent and accountable, in numerous crucial respects. We have no way of knowing, for example, what AgriZero pays its people (even in anonymised bands). AgriZero keeps studiously secret how much taxpayer-funded cream its lucky legion is skimming off the top.

Not content to confine its profligate pay outs to New Zealand, AgriZero funds all sorts of weird and unwonderful overseas outfits, including (according to the Annual Report):

“ArkeaBio - US startup developing a methane vaccine, with an innovative approach and an initial focus on cattle. ArkeaBio has achieved proof of concept, after its vaccine showed a reduction in methane in cattle.

Hoofprint Biome Inc - US startup developing probiotics and natural enzymes to reduce methane emissions and improve cow health. Ingested as a supplement in a small dose, the probiotic aims to reduce enteric methane emissions by over 80 per cent while simultaneously increasing milk and meat yield by over 5 per cent.”

But my favourite is this indigenous idiocy (“Programming plants with light”):

“BioLumic - Agri-biotech company founded in New Zealand harnessing UV light to develop a low-emissions farm pasture with increased productivity gains. AgriZeroNZ funding enables BioLumic to apply its technology to ryegrass, the most common pasture on New Zealand farms, with a goal to increase lipid content by 6% and subsequently reduce methane emissions from animals that consume it.”

In April 2025, AgriZero announced a new “partnership” with Innovate UK, “investing up to £2m to investigate how its daffodil extracts could be used as a methane inhibitor to reduce agricultural emissions”. DAFFODILS!

On current settings, the New Zealand Government will have contributed about $100 million to AgriZero before the end 2026. The Governments’ contributions are matched by the private sector shareholder contributions. I have no problem with the private sector shareholders squandering their own money on corporate virtue projection. But not the Government squandering my taxes on this sort of senseless showboating.

AgriZeroites thrive in the opaque space of “NGOs” - non-government organisations that are publicly-funded but not publicly accountable.

AgriZero’s original board chair and chief executive was … wait for it, Sir Brian Roche (apparent favourite - and AgriZero appointer - of the golfing ex-Ferryman). Sir B only vacated his AgriZero chair/CEO role in October 2024 when he became Public Service Commissioner. In a tight contest, Roche now triggers me more than Jacinda Ardern. These types should do us all a favour and gasify themselves … greenhouse or otherwise.

Don’t pay these Merry Men

Don’t even fix a price

Don’t pay these Merry Men

They can’t get us to the other side

John McLean is a senior lawyer who writes at John's Substack

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